just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
