how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
