so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
