i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
