And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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