FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
