Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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