i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
