dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
