Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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