I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
