it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
