Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
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About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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