Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
