I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
