there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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