I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
