Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
did i walk over a car last night?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
