I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
