get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
