His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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