Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize