im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
