it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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