Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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