i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
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