She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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