It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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