Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
