can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
vagina is talking i cant
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
