I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
