So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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