Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
