Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
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