Slut skills are useful in every country.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
