Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
