I think im going to throw up on grandma
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
