Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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