Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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