I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
wow bdsm is so cute
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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