I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
