the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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