Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's blow job season.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
