420 ftw
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
