Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
