I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize