No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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