we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My ass is underappreciated
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
