I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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