Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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