There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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