hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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