she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
