Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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