someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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