I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So here I am, sexting at work.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Come on in and take your pants off
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