Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
