Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
