we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
