I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
