My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
