Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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