Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
