and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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