omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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