I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
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I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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