I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
