It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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