Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.