What should our trivia night team be named?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dating After Heartbreak
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk