Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
