tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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