I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
