Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.