All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
