I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
