Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
