I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
