yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
