If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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