i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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