I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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