You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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