I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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