My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
